Quick Question...

Does teaching my 3 year old son to say, "What the deuce?" like Stewie from Family Guy make me a bad father?

Man, I hope not...


~ S. Rick

Conspiracy Theory Fun!

Hello, fair reader! What you are about to embark on is a journey into nut-ball conspiracy theories. Does that mean I am one of the nut-ball conspiracy theorists? No. But I gotta tell ya, I feel the same way about the conspiracy nut-balls that I do about all of the other passionate net-nerds out there, I love 'em. They provide me with hours upon hours of net-enjoyment. And really, you've got to respect anyone who puts as much time and effort into something as the net-nerds do.


So, what is the net-nerd conspiracy theory du jour for the day? It's a 2 parter. A double whammy. The ol' jab-hook combo. A nice 2 piece and a biscuit. Of course, I'm refering to The Philadelphia Experiment and the Montauk Project.

For those unfamiliar with these two examples of good old American experimentation and cover-up, I highly suggest checking out their entries at Wikipedia. They're fun reads that take you deep into the heart of American Conspiracy Theories. In fact, a case can be made that many of the conspiracy theories we've come to know, love, and parody, have stemmed from these two in some form or another. Of course, it must also be noted that conspiracy theory nut-balls, by their very nature, have to draw parallels and connections among the various theories out there, otherwise they'd get old pretty damn quick. So the fact that The Philly Ex., Montauk, Project Paperclip, the existence of the Yeti, Men in Black, Mind Control, Time Travel, and E.T. technology exchange are all linked really doesn't mean anything. But again, it makes for a helluva read... and you find yourself on the most interesting websites if you follow the trail through crazy-town! But I'm getting ahead of myself here...

For the uninitiated, the Philadelphia Experiment supposedly took place in the 1943 when expirimentation in using magnetic fields to render an object invisible caused the USS Eldridge to disappear from the Philadelphia Naval Yards, moving it through space and time where it was reportedly spotted off-shore at a U.S. Naval base at Norfolk, Virginia.

But wait!! That's not all. Apparently, not satisfied with what happened here, the military decided to really take their experimentation underground... literally. They moved operations to an abandonded radar station in Montauk, NJ. Here, experimentation with electromagnetism continued, this time using it to heighten mental abilities... Yes, we're talking ESP, telekinesis, and other psychic abilities here people. Of course, simply studying these things, starting from scratch, would be WAY too long of a process. So in an effort to speed thing up, Project Paperclip scientists were brought in.

Not familiar with Project Paperclip? Here's a little bit about it. After WWII, the American govnerment realized how far behind we were in certain... let's same, human experimentation. So, with the Nazi regime now defunct, many many Nazi Scientists found themselves out of jobs. So, instead of prosecuting these scientists for their gross atrocities against their fellow man, the US Government decided to sneak them into the country in an attempt to leverage their knowledge.

But wait!! There's even more!!! (Apparently electromagnetic fields coupled with Nazi scientists can do all sorts of weird shit. And I though they were only good for keeping my kids' artwork up on the refidgerator.) Through all of these experiments taking place in a VAST underground facility, researchers were able to open up a "hyperspace" wormhole. Through the wormhole, contact was made with extra terrestrials, who (of course) shared with us their expanse of technological knowledge. (none of which we apparently use today... other than the microwave and that little pen-sized nose hair trimmer that will not cut skin!)

Oh... it gets better... At some point in the 60s, when the hyperspace wormhole was still open, guess what materialized? Come on... guess! None other than the USS Eldridge. Makes sense, right? Since it was moving through space and time back in '43, why wouldn't it show up in an electromagnetic/psychic hyperspace wormhole in the 60s.

Fearful of what they were finding, the government decided that, since there are things in this universe normal folks just wouldn't understand, they needed to create the men in black. Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones not withstanding, these MIBs are seriously bad dudes. If an alien ever plops down in your back yard, expect these cats to show up and mess with your shit. No simple mind erase flashy thing either... You'll find youself rocking back and forth in a padded room, drolling all over yourself and mumbling about lumpy mashed potatos served in a sneaker. (or something like that)

Ok, so now, in this gigantic underground facility, we've got psychics, hysperspace wormholes, crazy electromagnetic fields, disappearing and reappearing naval vessels, wise aliens looking to share knowledge, and now an army of men in black. Wow... and it's not even the busy season in Montauk yet!

So what's next? Well, this is where the story gets hazy... You see, we know all of this was going on, but at some point here, it all stops. Many say the facility was destroyed from within. Why? That's where it gets fun again.

One account states that the psychics became so powerful with their electromagneticly-heightened powers that they were able to conjour things from thin air simply by thinking of them. And one psychic, to prove his ability to do this, decided to conjour up a... wait for it... here it comes... a Yeti!


That's right... bigfoot. The f-ing abominable snowman. Because, really, if you're going to conjour something from thin air simply by thinking of it, why not a Yeti? The only thing that could be better would be the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, right?


Now, by certain accounts, the yeti went crazy. (Of course he did... he's a yeti who suddenly finds himself in the midst of an underground government complex with hyperspace wormholes, electromagnetic fields, naval ships, psychics, MIBs, and former Nazi scientists... I'd go crazy, too.) In the midst of his yeti-meltdown, he pretty much tore the place apart, alerting the government to the inherent dangers of the experiments taking place, and thus convincing them to shut it all down.

Personally, I have a hard time believing that one freakin' yeti can do that much damage... Just toss his ass into the wormhole and let the ETs deal with him!

Another theory is that... I'm sorry... I have a hard time even typing this one. Ok, let's try this again. Another theory is that a giant space monster (yes, you read that right) came through the wormhole and destroyed everything and almost everyone in the facility. Luckily, a few brave scientists where able to close the wormhole (with the giant space monster in it), thus saving all of mankind.

Phew! Thank God for them, huh?

Anyway, after all of that, things in Montauk seem to have calmed down. No more underground facility. No more electromagnetic fields. No more Nazi scientists. No more Yeti. No more USS Eldridge... Unless, of course, you watch the show Lost.

Until I can get that pesky wormhole in my laundry room closed...
~ S. Rick

Smells like... Desperation

Show of hands... who watched the made-for-TV-movie Desperation last night? Anyone? Come on... nobody tore themselves away from whatever American Idol crap was on to watch yet another terrific Stephen King novel be destroyed in movie form? Well, I did!


And yes, it held up to form. Another terrific Stephen King novel was destroyed when translated to movie form. I wish I could say, "Hey, just stop making Mr. King's work into TV movies! THAT'S what's screwing them up!" But for anyone who's seen Cujo, Pet Semetary, Christine, etc., you know that it's not the TV part that spells doom for Mr. King's work... it's the movie part.

It's not like Desperation didn't have its shining moments (as most of King's adapted work does). Most notably, that God-Among-Men, Ron Perlman. What is it about this hulking brute of a man that commands the screen so well? I can tell you what it was in Desperation... Mr. Perlman was the only cast member to FULLY commit to his role. I mean, Ron went for it, chewing up the scenary every time he was in front of the camera, and it paid off. He was outstanding.

In a close second as far as commitment is concerned was Tom Skerritt. Tom played the resident asshole who eventually has a chang eof heart over the course of the film. These are King's weakest characters when it comes to adapting his work for the (large or small) screen. They never come across the same as they do in the books, making it impossible to feel anything for them.

The rest of the cast was capable, if not outstanding.

What shocked me most was that, for a made-for-the-boob-tube flick, there was a surprisingly high amount of gore. LOTS of dead bodies. LOTS of blood. Sufficient creepiness all around.

The weird thing is, Desperation is still listed in several places as a mini-series, yet it was played as one long, 3 hour TV-flick. What happened here? Did the network decide that it sucked too much to commit that much precious air-time too? Did they make the director cut it back to fit it into one glorious night of suckage? We may never know (until the inevitable DVD release, that is...)

Here is my A-NUMBA-1 gripe with King adaptations... the endings always suck. No matter how good the story is... no matter how solid the cast... no matter how well the rest of the flick holds up... the endings always suck. Why is that?

IT, probably one of the best King adaptations for TV, scared the hell out of me (most notably because of the incredible--and often overlooked--work of Tim Curry as Pennywise the Clown). With a cast that included John Ritter, Johnboy, and Judge Harry T. Stone, you couldn't expect much, but this was one mini-series that rocked... hard! And then they went and ended it with a big steamy pile of bad fx crap that seemed so cheap and thrown together... just thinking about it again makes my blood boil! So why is it that nobody can get a King ending right? Are his "monsters" or "demons" or whatever the evil may be too abstract to translate into a visual medium? Do they rely too heavily on the readers' own fears? Could be... And if so, it's a powerful writing technique. But if not, what's the deal?

How about giving a certain independent filmmaker from Rochester, NY (hint--ME) a shot at directing one of these. I know I could at least make a flick on par with the crap being shilled right now. What do ya say, Stephen... you wanna give a guy a shot? I may not come away with The Shining, but it sure as hell wouldn't be The Storm of the Century either!

Until Nightmares and Dreamscapes is severely f-ed up in a month...
~ S. Rick

Cult of Pop Call to Arms!

And here I am...

I've blogged before, so this isn't a new thing for me, but my blogs have always been about something "meaningful". Granted, I don't know what the hell I mean by "meaningful", but I think it means I was blogging about something I was doing... making a film, writing a book, whatever...

Well, this blog is going to be different! This blog is quite simply going to be a mouthpiece for me to write about the stuff I dig. It's as simple as that. And I dig pop culture, in all it's facets, faces, and forms. (sweet illiteration there, huh?) Anyway, that could be movies, TV, music, books, comics, commercials, toys... whatever. I'm gonna hit 'em all!


Yesterday I was home sick from work. And when I'm home sick, there's nothing I enjoy more than laying my lazy ass in bed and watching movies. So, one of the movies I took in yesterday was this gem: Dog Soldiers. It's a flick that was released in 2002, filmed in Luxemborg, but set in Scotland. The accents are thick, so it takes a few minutes of strained listening to start to sort out what some of a characters are saying, but trust me, it's worth it.

Dog Soldiers is the story of a Scottish military unit sent out into the remote Scottish Highlands on a training exercise. It doesn't take long for our boys to realize that things are going horribly wrong out in the highlands, and that their training mission was actually nothing of the sort! (DUM DUM DUUUUM!)



As you can (hopefully) tell by the poster, is a werewolf flick. Yeah!! Who doesn't love a good werewolf flick, right? I certainly love 'em! And from watching the flick, the writer/director, Neil Marshall, does too! He treats the subject with the reverance and care it deserves. Unfortunately, I don't think his budget was as up to the task of his imagination. You see, although he did a terrific job of creating atmosphere and mashing up different genres, (think of this as Dog SoldiersAn American Werewolf in London meets Predator meets Evil Dead) the actual werewolves leave a bit to be desired.

See what I mean? It's a prostetic dog head over a nude body suit with a bit of fur attached to it. Now, to give a bit of credit to them, when shown full figure, they are also wearing stilts so the werewolves are pretty damn tall, but the sleek bodies and oversized heads make them look like some weird anime or manga character instead of a half man, half wolf. But, knowing that this wasn't a big budget flick, and being a no-budget filmmaker myself, I have to give them credit for being able to pull off a werewolf flick at all. No easy task without a lit of the 'ol fat cash.

I guess it sounds like I'm bashing the flick, huh? Trust me, I'm not. I own it! And I certainly recommend it. It's a fun romp through the Scottish highlands with a bunch of soldiers trying to stay alive while being hunted by a pack of werewolves! What's not to love? I want to classify this one as a "guilty pleasure" movie, but that would be doing it a disservice. It's better than your average (or below average) guilty pleasure type flicks. That's reserved for movies like "The Wraith" or "Red Dawn" or "Cadence"... Hey, come to think of it, all of those guilty pleasure flicks have Chuck Sheen in them, don't they? Coincidence? I think not!

Does that mean Chuck Sheen is a guilty pleasure of mine? Dear lord...

Anyway, Dog Soldiers is a good horror movie, a good action movie, and a terrific homage to GREAT movies from both genres. It just never reaches that GREAT status itself. Unfortunately, a sequel is in the works (without the original writer/director it seems) that is going to place an AMERICAN SPECIAL FORCES TEAM in the same Scottish highlands... Ugh. Freakin' Hollywood... They always have to take a good thing a ruin it.

Please, if you're reading this, and you agree, disagree, think I'm a moron, or want to have my children (sorry, that position has alrady been filled), leave me comments! I love reading them, and I always respond!

Until the next time my mind is a-buzz with pop culture ramblings,
S. Rick