OooOOOoo... a Fwaggle!

Have you ever noticed that, as you get older, you realize how utterly stupid the makers of childrens' programming thought you were? I think about it -- probably more often than I should -- and it never ceases to piss me off.

Case in point for today: Fraggle Rock

Now, you'll be hard pressed to find anyone who's a bigger fan of anything and everything that Jim Henson touched. The Dark Crystal was the first DVD I ever bought. Emmit Otter's Jugband Christmas and A Muppet Family Christmas are required holiday viewing in my house. My first tattoo (of which I have over 20) was of Kermit the Frog. In my mind, Jim Henson was one of the great geniuses of the 20th Century, and he was taken from us far too soon.

So, needless to say, I was a big fan of Fraggle Rock growing up. Those wacky adventures of Gobo, Boober (what a great name), Wembley, Mokey, Red, Sprocket the Dog, and occassionaly Uncle Travelling Matt are so ingrained in my psyche that I still find myself humming the theme song. (which gets awkard at work, believe you me)







But my fandom doesn't get in the way of noticing gaping plot holes when I see them. Ok, so we're to believe that the Fraggles live in underground caves that can be accessed through a hole in the wall of some old dudes workshop.





Fine. I can buy that.

We're also to believe that along with the Fraggles, (who have never in the history of man been discovered, yet Uncle Travelling Matt wanders the Earth like David Carradine in Kung Fu and nobody notices) there is a myriad of other creatures -- such as the constantly-building Doozers, the psychic-friends-network Trash Heap and her 2 rat-like cohorts, and the Giants of the Fraggle universe, those Fraggle hating Gorgs.

Fine. I'll buy it. Scientists discover new species of creatures all the time. These ones can have gone unnoticed for all this time.

But here's where things get fuzzy, and I get pissed. The Fraggles and Doozers live underground in a sort of H.G. Wells The Time Machine Morlocks sort of way. But the Trach Heap, her rat -things, and the Gorgs appear to live ABOVE GROUND. The Gorgs grow radishes (which the Fraggles can't resist). They have a GARDEN which requires SUNLIGHT and RAIN to grow. Honestly, if that's the case, these fuckin' things live right in Doc's backyard. Yet nobody knows they exist?

That, I cannot buy.

What other programs have been trying to pull the wool over my eyes since I was just a wee lad? Don't think you're going to get away with it. I'm on to you.

Assholes.

~S. Rick